Six Flags damn near killed me...

Wow who would have thought a fun day with the family would end with me having chest pain and anxiety.

My sisters husband decided he wanted to spend the entire day there. So we left Lawton, OK for Arlington, TX at 6AMish. We hit the park at 10AM when it opened. I had pre-decided I would not be riding any of the rides even thought I paid $35 to get in. Sad for me kinda.

I am not comfortable at my size riding those rides whether the harness is a pole pushing into my stomach or a harness that comes down over my chest - which I have experienced and it wasn't pleasant with how big my breast are.

Traveling is not conducive to eating healthy. For breakfast I had a breakfast jack (jack in the box) and took off the bottom bun, but in the park the picking were fatty as can be. So it was a panda's express plate that I split between lunch and dinner.

By the end of the day...I was exhausted, sore, and my back and chest were tightening up and my arm was going numb. I don't like when that happens cause I know that some of those sign are precursors of a heart attack which kicks in my anxiety which makes it even worse. We finally left the park at 7PMish with a almost 4 hour drive home.

I am glad I went, but ever since then I have been having a hard time getting around to doing anything fitness like.

Hopefully I get back on it. What do you do when you don't want to work out?

Too tired to cook...

Cooking didn't work out unfortunately. Stayed up way to late and ended up sleeping most of the day away. So it was salad and chix for dinner.

I will be away for a bit in the upcoming weeks, but I will still be working on this journey of mine and taking it one meal at a time as I go.

HB

Trying New Things

Hey All,

Ohhh...this is like my first ever super short blog...I have decided that I want to try a new low cal, low fat dish that I found on the net. Don't know exactly which one yet, but I will post after I actually go out and get the ingredients tomorrow.

It will be buffalo chicken or double-spinach mushroom casserole either one with a salad.

Hopefully which ever one is good.

HB

McDonald's, Walking, & Scales?

Hey All,

My sister asked me to drive to McDonald's for her today. First thought...I ain't gonna lie...what can I get & why can't you go? Then I took a second and regrouped. Remembered that it was my choice. So I got up got my bottle of water and an apple and went out and got her and my nephews food.

I am proud of being able to overcome my first instinct. I am the first person to say follow your first instinct in most circumstances, but unfortunately my first instinct when it comes to food right now is GOBBLE GOBBLE. So I can take the second instinct that says think before you eat.

I am still working it one meal at a time, but whatever works.

Surprises of surprises I actually went walking today. It was only 20 minutes, but it is a start.

I think that I have to buy another scales as my sister doesn't own one. There ain't no GNC anywhere round here with a scale, and how am I supposed to track or even know my exact weight right now with out one. Not to mention that my sisters need to get healthy too, so they can keep it up here with them when I leave and put it to good use.

HB

One meal at a time...

At this point in my journey I am way behind and not pushing myself. I looked into Food Addict Anonymous and will do some further research to see if there is anything within that program that can benefit me.

I have come to the realization that I have a problem with eating and food in general. I have joked about it before, but it really isn't a joke any longer. When food becomes your everything what else do you have to look forward to.

Food is a coping skill. Cause just like with any other type of drug out there for addicts it is there when you needs it, through the good, the bad, and the plain ugly you can turn to your crutch and there it waits.

Food was the one and only thing that I thought I was in control of through out my life, but unfortunately that was an illusion. I never had control over my eating, or I would have been able to call it quits long ago...like 150 pounds ago. I am sad that it took me this long to really realize what a problem it truly is.

At this point in my life food doesn't have the same effect it had when I was younger. When I eat I don't get happy, but at this point my mind is so used to stuffy my face - ain't got nothing going on...food, just got some bad news...food, mad at a situation...food, celebrating...food. Food, food, food.

I told my sister today, when thinking about food and eating that we shouldn't focus on more than one day of eating at a time. My reasoning is this. Right now in this moment when I think about eating healthy for that rest of my life...I am not excited about it or happy to be thinking it. In fact it makes me doubt that fact that I can keep it up and makes me doubt myself. The way I am eating is different, strange, and weird compared to what I used to eat like. My body craves cake, donuts, french fries, malasadas, fried rice, pastas, brownies, boneless buffalo wings, ice cream, jelly beans and other not so healthy food -just to name a few.

So for now looking forward is detrimental to my focus. One meal at a time is how I have decided to make my choices. Because right now in this moment yeah eating healthy in the future makes me sad, but if I keep going one meal at a time for a while at some point eating healthy with become my default mind set and forecasting a healthy life style in the future with feel like the norm.

I wish you all the luck with all you have going for you and if you ain't got nothing going right now. What are you waiting for?

HB

It's a Choice

There are two theories so far:

1. I should make changes, but make them slowly, and don't abstain from all of the bad stuff, i.e. sugar and carbs).

2. Do my best to abstain from the bad stuff and make the healthy choice every time I have the choice (which is almost every time if I plan for it).

Which is right for me? I have the feeling that their is no one plan, activity, or lifestyle change that will work for everyone, or even a large group of folks.

I started out the year by doing my best to choose the healthy alternatives, walking, and really pushing myself. That lasted for about 2 months before I tripped up and fell back on old habits. I have tried and tripped up over and over again. Though getting healthy is definitely still in my thoughts.

Currently I am coming to the realization that I need to be conscious of my decisions. Yesterday, I decided that I would do what ever it was I needed to do to make the choices good ones for myself. On the back side of my right hand between my thumb and forefinger I have written the phrase "IT'S A CHOICE!" So that it is right there every time I look at my hand. So far it is helping me stay conscious of my food choices.

Still got a lot to get right with, but for right now I am taking it one meal at a time. I hope every one out there are taking the steps they need to to get where they want to be.

HB

At a standstill...

Hey All,

At a loss for what I should do. Can't seem to stop eating. I am away from home right now and I am not sure whether that is affecting my eating or if it is all for crap.

I have been really feeling like shit about it. Which of course makes it worse. Can't seem to eat at the right interval or the right stuff.

On another not...I watched that new Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition. It just premiered on ABC. I can't say that it was the best show but I would watch it again every once in a while.

You know what kinda show I wanna see. I wanna see Weight loss on a budget...DAMN IT ALL. I know that I can't afford gym memberships, personal trainers, and buying all the healthy food that I should. Some of the shows even revolve around going to a rehab type setting.

I don't think that the average person - especially those that are students - can pay for all that to make a go at losing weight.

Any idea about how I might change my eating habits for the better would be greatly appreciated. Or any advice what so ever would be great.

HB