More About This Blog

This year after so many other numerous new year resolutions of losing weight I am actually making a true leap to really get there. I have always been over weight. The last time I was any where near the weight I was supposed to be was 3rd grade. In my sophomore year of High School I weighed 232 lbs. In 2004 I weighed 287 lbs. Now I weigh 324 lbs. At my most I was 338 lbs.

I am going to use this blog as a way for me to track my ups and downs and find out what really works for me. I am not trying anyone type of diet, but rather searching through them all and pulling what I can use to stay healthy for the rest of my life. This isn't going to be a get thin in 6 month trip...the things I do have to last in the long-term or I will end up quitting and ending up right back where I started or worse off.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

One meal at a time...

At this point in my journey I am way behind and not pushing myself. I looked into Food Addict Anonymous and will do some further research to see if there is anything within that program that can benefit me.

I have come to the realization that I have a problem with eating and food in general. I have joked about it before, but it really isn't a joke any longer. When food becomes your everything what else do you have to look forward to.

Food is a coping skill. Cause just like with any other type of drug out there for addicts it is there when you needs it, through the good, the bad, and the plain ugly you can turn to your crutch and there it waits.

Food was the one and only thing that I thought I was in control of through out my life, but unfortunately that was an illusion. I never had control over my eating, or I would have been able to call it quits long 150 pounds ago. I am sad that it took me this long to really realize what a problem it truly is.

At this point in my life food doesn't have the same effect it had when I was younger. When I eat I don't get happy, but at this point my mind is so used to stuffy my face - ain't got nothing going, just got some bad, mad at a, Food, food, food.

I told my sister today, when thinking about food and eating that we shouldn't focus on more than one day of eating at a time. My reasoning is this. Right now in this moment when I think about eating healthy for that rest of my life...I am not excited about it or happy to be thinking it. In fact it makes me doubt that fact that I can keep it up and makes me doubt myself. The way I am eating is different, strange, and weird compared to what I used to eat like. My body craves cake, donuts, french fries, malasadas, fried rice, pastas, brownies, boneless buffalo wings, ice cream, jelly beans and other not so healthy food -just to name a few.

So for now looking forward is detrimental to my focus. One meal at a time is how I have decided to make my choices. Because right now in this moment yeah eating healthy in the future makes me sad, but if I keep going one meal at a time for a while at some point eating healthy with become my default mind set and forecasting a healthy life style in the future with feel like the norm.

I wish you all the luck with all you have going for you and if you ain't got nothing going right now. What are you waiting for?


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