More About This Blog

This year after so many other numerous new year resolutions of losing weight I am actually making a true leap to really get there. I have always been over weight. The last time I was any where near the weight I was supposed to be was 3rd grade. In my sophomore year of High School I weighed 232 lbs. In 2004 I weighed 287 lbs. Now I weigh 324 lbs. At my most I was 338 lbs.

I am going to use this blog as a way for me to track my ups and downs and find out what really works for me. I am not trying anyone type of diet, but rather searching through them all and pulling what I can use to stay healthy for the rest of my life. This isn't going to be a get thin in 6 month trip...the things I do have to last in the long-term or I will end up quitting and ending up right back where I started or worse off.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Bad News Brings Realization

I feel blessed that in my 26 years I have only lost one person to the great beyond because I know that some people experience it a lot more frequently.

A little back story...My grandmother was the glue that held everything together. I battled severe depression, anxiety, self injury, and many hours, days, and months where I thought about taking my own life this was from a young age. I was so tired. In all aspects of my life that not waking up sometimes felt like a better options. Thankfully I got a lot of couch time with my psychologist and psychiatrist and was able to function better after a while. I didn't truly get a good grip on life until 2005 when the sun in my solar system wasn't there anymore. My grandmother was in all aspect my mother, friend, mentor, and constant cheerleader. She made me wanna live and when her life ended it made me want to live even more because how could I contemplate taking my own life or laying by the way side when she had believed so much in me and spent so much time, energy, and love on showing my the right way and pushing me along. This is not to say that I don't struggle mentally and emotionally, but she continues to me a large part of every breath I take.

Unfortunately my family was in for another shock when my auntie was diagnosed with stage four cancer and told that it was likely terminal on July 24, 2011. She is 49 years old! She and my uncle adopted two young children who are both under the age of 7. To say that you just don't see something like this coming is an understatement.

At this point it is in her intestines, pancreas, appendix (ruptured) and her lung. She has been sick, but they never checked for cancer as a cause. They found the lump when they went in to remove her appendix.

As I sat talking to my family in Honolulu, Hawaii from Oklahoma I knew that I needed to be home, so I am cutting my trip short and going home. My cousin, sister, and I all talked and expressed our concerns for her, but it also brought about a realization that made us look within. I am angry at how cavalier I have been about the state of my health. Always another tomorrow to get healthy, next month is that month when I am gonna get things done. My past is the past and I know I can't change it. I continue to be thankful to be on my way to getting healthy and making great strides, but it still makes me that time I should have been doing it.

My auntie is a fighter and she isn't throwing in the towel or hanging her head. She isn't giving up because she has so much to live for. She told my other aunt that she is gonna give this fight all she has because isn't ready to die.

I find myself wanting to make sure that I am fighting. Wanting to fight for my own health even harder, and not just my health I want to be healthy in all aspects of my life. Point blank...I wanna live my life boldly and bravely. Making choice for myself that make me happy and push me forward.

I know that even when I struggle to make it through the day, that when I have my period and my emotions get wonky that I am gonna stick this out. It isn't just losing is about living life and making the choices that allow me to live a long, happy, healthy and prosperous life. I hope everyone out there whether this is your first time, your twentieth attempt, whether you need to lose 5 lbs or 400lbs...stop putting things off to tomorrow because as logical it is we sometimes forget that tomorrow isn't guaranteed. The next minute isn't guaranteed. Live your life to the best of your abilities, push hard to get where you want to be, love everyone in your life, and make sure they know it. Take nothing for granted.

I will be thinking nothing, but positive thoughts for my auntie, if you have the chance your positive thoughts and prayers would be greatly appreciated.

I hope everyone has a blessed rest of the week.

Monday, July 18, 2011

A little lost...

Hey Hey,

On Saturday after my walk...I had some severe back pain that just killed my motivation to exercise. Sunday...nope. Monday...nope. Tomorrow I am getting back up and moving. Changed the program slightly from last week to hopefully be able to fit it back into my life at home in Hawaii. I will be evaluating my week and program on Sunday's from here on out.

Sunday: Rest
Monday: Just Changed It
Tuesday: Full Body Strength Training
Wednesday: Zumba Activate DVD - Interval type - One on Song On-One Song doing salsa side
Thursday: Full Body Strength Training
Friday: Zumba Activate DVD - Interval type - One on Song On-One Song doing salsa side
Saturday: Full Body Strength Training

My walking will be optional with a max of 20 minutes because I am increasing Zumba, and when walking I have two options...walk super late being leaving out at almost 9pm at night or leaving the house at 4:30am in the morning. Yuck to the morning one...and working out in the evening just ain't working for me.

Have a blessed week.~.~.~.~

Friday, July 15, 2011

OMFG Popeye's WTF!

So my sister wanted to eat out a few nights ago. She thought about KFC, so my fingers were flying trying to figure out what I could eat from KFC:

Grilled Chicken Thigh = 170 cal, Grilled Chicken Drum Stick = 90 cal, Mashed Potatos without Gravy = 90, & Green Beans = 25,

Total Calories = 375

Then she was like wait maybe I wanna eat Church's Chicken, so again my fingers are flying to figure out what I could eat from Church's Chicken

Two Chicken Tenders Strips = 240, Mashed Potato without Gravy = 80, Green Beans = 35

Total Calories = 355

In the end she is like lets go I wanna eat at Popeye's...I was like you said Church's. She is like no I told you Popeye's. I was like whatever just let me check on the calories, so I know what I can eat from there. After looking at the nutritional values

Chicken & Sausage Jambalaya = 220, Cajun Rice = 170

So off we went and I order just that. When we got back before I ate anything...I was like...I should enter this in to sparks first. So as I was entering them in I was like wait...the calorie differential and size of these two items is too drastic. So I did a search on google on Popeye's Chicken & Sausage Jambalaya. Thanks to I discovered that though on their nutritional facts sheet every thing else is size by how they sell it not those items listed under Big Easy no what I got was 3 of the serving of what I thought.

Thank goodness for sparks and all the encouraging to track and check on what I am eating. Instead of the 660 calories that I bought. I made the choice though it tasted create to only eat half of it for 330 calories.

Just to make it perfectly clear of the difference in what was listed and what you buy


Weight 151, Calories 220, Fat 11, Sat. Fat 3, Cholesterol 32, Sodium 760, Carbs 20, Dietary Fiber 1, Sugar 0, Protein 10

What you get through the drive thru when you order it

Weight 453, Calories 660, Fat 33, Sat. Fat 9, Cholesterol 96, Sodium 2280, Carbs 60, Dietary Fiber 3, Sugar 0, Protein 30

Yeah once again thank goodness that I had the forethought to questions it. Popeye's you tricky place.

Hope this never happens to any of you.

Monday, July 11, 2011

Sparks: 7/10 - 7/16/2011

This weeks program just to keep track of what I am looking to accomplish


Continue to track all food and beverage through sparks to the very best of my ability.


Track Fitness in the sparks system.

Sparks System Setting

Strength Training: M T W TR F S

Cardio: MWF

What I am looking to get done this week

Sunday: Rest

Monday: Zumba (min 20min), Upper Body Strength Training, Walking (min/max 45 min)

Tuesday: Zumba (min 20min), Lower Body Strength Training, Walking (min/max 45 min)

Wednesday: Zumba (min 20min), Core Strength Training, Walking (min/max 45 min)

Thursday: Zumba (min 20min), Upper Body Strength Training, Walking (min/max 45 min)

Friday: Zumba (min 20min), Lower Body Strength Training, Walking (min/max 45 min)

Saturday: Zumba (min 20min), Core Body Strength Training, Walking (min/max 45 min)

I will let you all know how it goes and how I am feeling along the way.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

The Spark

I originally joined back in August 4, 2009. Unfortunately I didn't do jack shit with it. To my detriment of course. I can't say that my actually using the program back then would have done any good. The would've, should've, could've's and all that, but I have recently become active at the site after almost two years of leaving it dormant.

The sparkpeople program has a lot of benefits in the nutrition, fitness, tracking, and community avenues. I am slowly walking this road and have had to reexamine my original goals that I set up in January. The original goals aren't lofty or unrealistic, but perhaps I just didn't posses all that I should have.

I feel more connected by using I am on teams with other people who are walking the same path that I am. Who will probably go through the same set backs that I will and I like that alot. The not feeling alone part has really given me a new vision to work towards.

I recently purchased The Spark by Chris Downie in the kindle version on for $1.99. What a deal. I am a nook girl myself, but I wanted to save money, so I just downloaded it on my phone. Great investment so far.

My goals are completely set, but I wanted to post about my new (well new as in using it) pathway that I found in More on the program to come in a later post.

Motivational Quote from
People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

Live, Love, and Laugh...Often,


Thursday, July 7, 2011

Not Sure If...

So it is the second week in to my recommitting to getting healthy, and I have been feeling extremely moody, anxiety ridden, and slightly depressed. I feel on the urge of tears, disappointed in myself for the stuff I know I should be doing, but am not. Could it be a whole lot worse where I am eating fast food, and doing nothing...Yes! That is not what I am doing, but then I feel like I should be able to do things it is just never the right time.

Man, if life were easy. To be carefree and living life. Last time I felt like that was when I was in 3rd grade or younger, and even then life wasn't all it should have been for a little girl of that age. I can't tell you how much feeling blue just adds fuel to the fire and makes me even more blue.

I logically know that I shouldn't feel sad and slightly crazy, but some days I just can't help it it is just too much.

Tomorrow it will get better and I will feel better too.


Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Six Flags damn near killed me...

Wow who would have thought a fun day with the family would end with me having chest pain and anxiety.

My sisters husband decided he wanted to spend the entire day there. So we left Lawton, OK for Arlington, TX at 6AMish. We hit the park at 10AM when it opened. I had pre-decided I would not be riding any of the rides even thought I paid $35 to get in. Sad for me kinda.

I am not comfortable at my size riding those rides whether the harness is a pole pushing into my stomach or a harness that comes down over my chest - which I have experienced and it wasn't pleasant with how big my breast are.

Traveling is not conducive to eating healthy. For breakfast I had a breakfast jack (jack in the box) and took off the bottom bun, but in the park the picking were fatty as can be. So it was a panda's express plate that I split between lunch and dinner.

By the end of the day...I was exhausted, sore, and my back and chest were tightening up and my arm was going numb. I don't like when that happens cause I know that some of those sign are precursors of a heart attack which kicks in my anxiety which makes it even worse. We finally left the park at 7PMish with a almost 4 hour drive home.

I am glad I went, but ever since then I have been having a hard time getting around to doing anything fitness like.

Hopefully I get back on it. What do you do when you don't want to work out?