Not Sure If...

So it is the second week in to my recommitting to getting healthy, and I have been feeling extremely moody, anxiety ridden, and slightly depressed. I feel on the urge of tears, disappointed in myself for the stuff I know I should be doing, but am not. Could it be a whole lot worse where I am eating fast food, and doing nothing...Yes! That is not what I am doing, but then I feel like I should be able to do things it is just never the right time.

Man, if life were easy. To be carefree and living life. Last time I felt like that was when I was in 3rd grade or younger, and even then life wasn't all it should have been for a little girl of that age. I can't tell you how much feeling blue just adds fuel to the fire and makes me even more blue.

I logically know that I shouldn't feel sad and slightly crazy, but some days I just can't help it it is just too much.

Tomorrow it will get better and I will feel better too.

HB

Dazed and Confused

Hey All,

It's been a long while since I have not only the time but the drive to blog. Not that I don't like doing it...just been at a loss for what to say about what is going on with me at this time.

I am telling my self baby steps are the way to go right now. Making a list and sticking to it in the hopes that at the end of the day I don't want to pull my hair out, curl up in bed and feel like crying my eyes out cause I am so frustrated with...? I can't even give name to what is going on with me at this moment.

I am sad, scared, panicking...what is it...GRRRRRR! How can I work through it if I can't readily pinpoint what is going on with me.

Is it my end of period drama's that have me feeling like I could lose it at any moment. Trust when I say when I lose it...I lose it big. Temper...temper. I got a hold of that a while back, but because I often hold things in when I blow up it isn't just about that one incident. No it is about every incident under the sun that hasn't been voiced and put into words that is related to the last thing to set me off.

My moods and stress level have been hell on my getting healthy journey. Won't say I have given up cause even when I am eating bad food I got that voice in my head (not as loud as it used to be) telling me I know I should be eating that. I just ain't had the drive to stop my self.

I am gonna get back on it though. Gotta get moving on my lists cause I have been majorly forgetful and confused as of late. That hasn't happened for a long while.

I am gonna get back to it. Though I am having more than a few rough patches...I hope all of you out there working on your very own journey's are finding you path a lot less complicated and rough than mine.

Best Wishes,

HB